By Judy Villanueva

The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, except for one loaf they had with them in the boat. “Be careful,” Jesus warned them. “Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod.”

They discussed this with one another and said, “It is because we have no bread.”

Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand?  Are your hearts hardened?  Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember?  When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”  “Twelve,” they replied.

“And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”  They answered, “Seven.”

He said to them, “Do you still not understand?” (Mark 14-21)

I can’t count the number of times I’ve read the story of Jesus multiplying the bread and fish. But, today as I read along, this particular exchange between Jesus and the disciples jumped off the page and sat down next to me!  It felt like Jesus had entered the room and and asked ME , “Judy, do you still not understand?”  My breath halted and looking up from the story, I prayerfully asked, “What, Lord?  What do you want me to understand?”  In an instant it became clear what God was saying and specifically, what His question invited me to  receive.  Bread!  Today, as my husband and I pack up our home and prepare for a move — in the midst of all our “good-byes”  — the Word of God reached out and offered me lunch!  

It is far too easy to read the Bible like we read most books, to gather information.  But, this book is not like other books and is designed to speak into our deep places, bring healing to our souls and free us to know the love of God!  When we read the Word we enter a conversation with the Almighty and He wants to give us WAY MORE than information. 

Turning its pages with eyes that want to see and ears open to hear becomes a holy space where we are seen and known, loved and transformed. 

God’s Word wants to be with us!  It has power to correct us, teach us, and help us fall in love with Jesus.  Oh that we would fear “the study of Scriptures as interesting texts instead of hearing them and God’s very words that hold out Christ and draw us to want him.” (Delighting in the Trinity, p.83)

Ok, so back to bread!  I knew what God was addressing in my heart when I read, “Do you still not understand?”  I am like the disciples who had been with Jesus and witnessed His miracles  only to worry the next moment about the next thing!   Packing up and moving is exciting but it is also unsettling…at least to me.  The Lord’s question to me was an exhortation to SEE AND HEAR, and to live my life REMEMBERING His mighty deeds!  It was a call to stop doubting and believe that the same Jesus who provided a picnic lunch for thousands can provide for me, too!  

What happens when we listen as we read the Bible, when we notice what we notice— when we let God’s Word sit next to us for a while? 

We receive that for which we deeply and desperately hunger— a basket full of bread, some fish and Jesus!

“Thank you, Jesus, for being the bread of life that fills me.  Help me to notice your stirrings as I read Scripture and trust that you will provide for each step of my life.  Amen.”

What about you?

Do you listen as you read the Bible?  Do you notice what you notice ?

Do you have eyes but fail to see, ears but fail to hear?

Are you eating the Bread of life?  Filling up on the truth of God’s word?

Stop for a while and have some bread with Jesus.

Worship

By Judy Villanueva

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.  Praise Him all people here below.  Praise Him above ye heavenly host.  Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen. (Doxology)

Frustrated and anxious, I decided to slow down from my errands and take my pulse.  “What’s up?  Why so fitful, O my soul?”  I connected immediately to the source of my unrest and sighed.  The beauty of today was that there was no agenda and, the angst that nipped at my heels today was that…there was no agenda.  Nothing to accomplish that might give me a sense that my life has purpose.  In other words, the gift of a day off, free to play or rest or dig a hole or sleep!  Instead of soaking it up I found myself restless and longing for something to fill that place within me…you know the place, the one that is God-shaped and only quieted by His presence.

My soul knew its longing would not be filled by worthy deeds but rather, by drawing near to God and finding my “Amen” …the one that was waiting to be sung to Him!

We say “Amen” at the end of prayers as a way of affirming whatever has been prayed.  It means “ Yes! So be it.  It is true.”  We do the same thing with our lives and daily live in affirmation of that which we believe and value most.  We spend our time, energy and money according to the treasures of our hearts and over a lifetime, we declare a holy or unholy “Amen” to whatever has captured our imaginations.  Think about it.  If someone were observing your days, and all the choices you make, what would they conclude about your values and deepest beliefs?  Is your life being lived and prayed in adoration and thanksgiving to God or, are the cares of this world usurping your “Amens”?  The question to ponder is:

“What are you saying “Amen” to with your life?

It was 5:00pm and I decided to take a muddy walk toward some horses and cows that were feeding on the land next to ours.  As I watched my feet hunt for dry patches, I became aware of a gentle breeze that beckoned me to notice the Companion of the ages who walked alongside me.  In that moment, I felt myself exhale the angst of the day and draw in a deep breath of peace. All worry evaporated as I was roused from my stupor and awakened to the reality of God with me. What a happy “Amen” that bubbles up within us whenever we enter God’s fellowship.  There we encounter THE Amen, the Faithful One, the True Witness, the Beginning…and there, in the middle of His “Yes” to us, we find our own “Amen” spilling out of us in praise!

 “Thank you, Father, for nestling up close and helping me to feel your company today.  I confess that I live too often saying “Amen” to things that are passing away…like, the comforts of the day,  or making life all about me.  Lead me into Your presence and fill my heart with praise.  Amen!”

What about you?

What are you saying amen to with your life?

Are you aware when God is beckoning you into His presence?

When your soul is restless, how do you draw near to God?

Have you experienced God’s “Yes” over your life?

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.”  (John 3:16)

Worship

By Judy Villanueva

Isaiah 55:9  

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Turning over, I pressed the button on my phone to see what time it was…3:00am. Ugh!  I thought, “If I don’t start thinking I won’t start worrying and I’ll be able to go right back to sleep.”  No such luck.  Loved ones flashed through my mind like a slideshow, each one holding their pain or need.  Before long, I was wide-awake and aware of a familiar tightness in my tummy.  I knew that loving my friends and family with worry would never be as helpful as loving them through prayer but it was the middle of the night and I was at a disadvantage.  I wanted to pray but found myself listening instead to faith crushing questions like, “What’s the point?” and, “Does prayer really make a difference?”

Our lives are full of events that we understand and right alongside is everything else!  God does not explain everything and, even if He did, we’d likely not grasp the complexity of how our lives fit into the immense orchestration of lives and events that He watches over with love. Our sanity, not to mention, our faith depend on believing that He is good and able to hold all the pieces of history and work them together for purposes that we will one day celebrate.

In the meantime, we hope and pray in the gap that exists between what we know about God and what we do not understand about our world.

Knowing God and trusting Him is everything!  Praying in the middle of the night needn’t depend on our ability to make sense of everything and can instead lean on the tender heart of the God, who listens.  Do you know His heart?  There are many good things to know about Yahweh but the experience of His love and the conviction that He reigns over, above, in and through ALL of life is a gift of peace in the dark and precious laughter in the light.  Which is easier, I wonder?

To trust in what happens next or to trust in the One who holds what happens next?

God holds what happens next…and He holds us, too!  We can’t know what we can’t know or control all that we wish we could, but we can put our trust in the One whose thoughts and ways are higher than ours.

“Thank You, Father, that You love with perfection, even when I cannot see or measure it.  Watch over all our prayers in the middle of the night and help us to feel you with us especially when it’s dark and we are tired.  Bless us and fill us with faith in Your good heart.  Amen.”

What about you? 

Do you know that when you pray, God is always listening…even at 3:00am?

Have you experienced God’s love?  Have you felt His tender heart?

Do you need faith in the middle of the night?  Strength to pray in the gap?

“It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning and Your faithfulness by night.”(Psalm 92:1-2)

Worship

By Judy Villanueva

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you?   To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)

My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.  (Brennan Manning)

Tears spilled and cries for justice erupted as the beloved stuffed moose was kidnapped by  little sister!  The toddler hurried away with a gleam in her eyes and a delighted smile on her face.  Children are so pure in their emotions.  I don’t mean they are sanctified in their expressions of feelings, but they are AUTHENTIC!  If they don’t get the toy they want, they cry.  If they have to go to bed, EVER, they throw themselves on the floor and if Nana sneaks them a chocolate chip cookie, they squeal and promise to love me forever!  Both little people and big hurt one another— wittingly and unwittingly.  On this particular occasion, mom stepped in and instructed little sissy to return Moosey and apologize. “Sooorrreeey” she complied as she handed over the rumpled toy.  To her credit she obeyed  but, to be honest, she didn’t look very sorry.

Can you feel your “sorry” when you apologize?  Saying we are sorry is important to healing in relationships but feeling remorse over the pain we’ve caused is  AS vital to the soul.  Why?

 It has to do with the restorative power of repentance and God’s kindness in providing a way for us to stay free of self-deception and pride.   

This duo tends to be at the root of our unwillingness to let our hearts hurt when we hurt others.   Pride deceives and divides us, internally and externally, and keeps us from the intimacy we were created to enjoy with God and others.  Staying open to the Holy Spirit’s voice of correction may sting but it always leads to  Zoe life— free, genuine, vigorous, and devoted to God.   The alternative is to ignore His nudges and in doing so, gradually lose our sensitivity to the gift of His company and counsel, along with the ability to feel our own hearts.  

Humility helps us to know ourselves as both exceptional and flawed creatures.  “To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God’s grace means.” (B.Manning)  

Being honest about our brokenness can feel threatening but it is in acknowledging the whole truth about who we are that we break out of a defensive posture  and into one that is liberated and activated to love. 

Feelings are designed to connect us to our hearts and, when we pay attention to them, they  help us discover the places in us that need healing and love, correction and grace.  They are meant to lead us to curiosity, prayer, and an openness to hear from God, even if it is a call to repent.   When it comes to cultivating a soft and pliable heart — one that can feel sorry and repentant, joyful and free — maybe the key to is to become like children.  No, not unrestrained and impulsive  but connected, open and authentically feeling our lives with God.

“Thank you Father for your steadfast love and for all the ways you help me follow my feelings to YOUR heart.  I want to feel my life, sorries included!  I pray that you will touch each person reading this with a true sense of your feelings for them.  Amen.”

How about you?

How free are you when it comes to acknowledging an offense and apologizing?

Can you feel your sorry?  In other words, when you apologize can you feel your heart hurt over hurting another?

How connected are you to your heart?  Do you follow your feelings to curiosity and prayer?

Do you know yourself as deeply loved by Jesus?

Worship

By Judy Villanueva

Then Elijah stood in front of them and said, “How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him! But if Baal is God, then follow him!” (1Kings 18:21)

OUCH, this hit me right between the eyes!  I am reading a book on the beatitudes and right in the middle of the chapter called “Happy Are The Pure In Heart,” this verse jumped off the page and threw water in my face!  “What?  ME?  Hobbling between two opinions?” But in my heart of hearts, I knew it was true and as I toweled off my face, I reread the words and let them sink in more deeply.  The words felt like a strong correction and at the same time, like the most loving words I’ve ever read.  I think that’s how it often feels when God speaks.  He always tells the truth but with so much love that my heart melts, my knees buckle, and my hands open to receive whatever gift He offers me, even if it’s a correction.  The morning reading became a confrontation and an invitation to stop wavering and decidedly place my life in God’s care.

What are my “two opinions?”  Where am I double-minded?  I confess that I waffle back and forth between trusting God with all my heart and wondering if He heard the prayer I just prayed.  There are days when my feet must dance because the goodness of God has touched me and there are days when I can’t discern the reality of His presence.  So, I hobble along.  Do you hobble, too?  There are many ways to waver between “two opinions.”   It might be living one way on the outside and another on the inside or agreeing with the Word spoken on Sunday morning but determining your own way when you walk out the door.  It may even result from living a life so distracted by many things that there is little room left for the One Thing —WHO is everything.  

“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” (Deut. 6:4-5)

Living between two opinions dims our light and dilutes our saltiness, not to mention the fact that it weakens our ability to trust and obey God. 

So, what empowers us when God says, “How long?” to reply, “NO LONGER!  You are God and no other!  I will follow YOU!”?  Because when the moment of truth arrives and we are faced with a decision on who to follow, whatever has been filling our hearts and minds will drive us in one direction or another.  What is establishing Truth inside you? 

I realized after some pondering that only the Word of God can heal my hobble and if I want to follow Him with a singular and faithful heart I must fill my soul with HIS Opinion and leave room for no other!

This evening as I crawled into bed I felt more than anything, LOVED.  Like a father that sees His child struggling, I felt God loving me in my weakness even as He illuminated the state of my doubting heart. He didn’t turn away. He drew near and I’d almost swear I felt His breath on my cheek as He spoke “Try again, my love, and trust Me.  You really can trust Me.”  

What about you? 

Can you feel the tug of war for your heart, mind and strength? 

Do you ever find yourself limping between two opinions?

What is establishing truth inside you?

Saturate yourself with the Word of God and let it fill you.

Worship  *** You’ve got to hear this song!***

By Judy Villanueva

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I did not know it.” (Genesis 28:16)

“The word present, of course, means near, close to, next to, and the prefix omni gives it universality. God is everywhere here, close to everything, next to everyone.” (AW Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy)

Laying face up in my closet I stared into the blouses that hung above me. This little cubby proves to be a quiet place to pray and always helps me feel tucked away with God.  Do you ever wake up aware of your soul’s longing for God — for an experience of His face, a moment of His love, a Divine touch?  I do, especially when life gets prickly.  To feel His presence infuses all the pieces of my life with hope and meaning.

No matter the trial or richness of any moment, it is the “God with” factor that makes me strong, hopeful, and happy!

As light breaks the night, I wake up with this prayer on my lips, “Find me Father.  Bump into me today.  Help me to live this day with you.”  I admit that what I’m asking for are lightning bolts and holy visions, but instead, God greets me in the morning with whispers and melodies, smiles, coffee and the grace to find Him in the gifts embedded in ordinary days. And, I’m slowly learning  that it all counts!

Rainbows, breezes, sunlight and hugs — puffy white clouds and the taste of buttered toast all count as God’s love reaching out to us.

Cultivating an openness to “count” what we may regard as ordinary blessings becomes a powerful pathway into the Divine presence.

The practice of noticing the day’s blessings is a habit that can form in spite of our reluctance to recognize the Holy within the ordinary.  We are products of a culture that craves special effects, so cooperating with the Holy Spirit as He draws our attention to His gentle movements of love can be challenging.  It requires that we let go of our preconceived notions of Holy encounters and avail ourselves to watching for “God with” us in and through the very life given to us each day.

I stumbled out of bed this morning and moved toward the coffee I smelled brewing down the hallway.  As I took that first warm sip of goodness, I thanked God for taste buds and the new day.  Later, working at my desk, I noticed movement outside my window and there, staring in at me, was a gloriously colored bird arrayed in bright yellow and crimson.  I could not help but stare back at him and offer thanks to God for the beauty He splashed all over this little creature!  Here he is!

That same afternoon I found myself on a couch soaking in the company of a friend, all the while aware that I was in the middle of another good gift.  Do these count as the Divine reaching into my life and offering me love?  “Surely the Lord is in this place”—  the very place where we live each day!  Whether in a closet, on a couch, or stumbling out of bed, God is always with us and wants to be found!

“Father, find me. Bump into me today and help me to live this day with you. Thank you that you love being found!   Help me notice your gentle movements of love today. Amen.”

What about you?

Looking back on your day, are you aware of God’s gentle movements of love?  What were they?

Where do you most easily notice God?

How does the “God with” factor affect you?   He is with you.

God loves to be found!  Ask Him to bump into you today.

Worship

By Judy Villanueva

“Now, this I know:  The Lord gives victory to his anointed.  He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand.  Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.  They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.  Lord give victory to the king! Answer us when we call!” (Psalm 20:6-9)

 I was on a road trip recently and as I stared out the window I could feel the strain of worry pressing in on me.  Abraham seemed to join me in the car and suddenly, I felt his faith reach over and slap me!  It was a good, wake-up kind of slap that pushed me out of an anxious  stupor.  The verse

“Abram believed the LORD, and it was credited it to him as righteousness”

reverberated in my mind and with it, the desire to please and honor God by believing that He is who He says He is.   It reminded me of Pascal’s Wager, wherein he,  a 17^th century French philosopher, threw out the challenge to bet on God.  Paraphrased, he proposed that if you bet on God and He does NOT exist, you lose nothing BUT stand to gain everything if He DOES exist.   Conversely, if you wager that there is no God and in fact there IS, you have bet with your life!  As I pondered what this had to do with me I felt God say,

“Judy, you can keep living as though life is random (and be afraid) OR, you can bet on ME.   I have heard your prayers.  I AM Faithful. Trust Me — take the bet!”

Are you weary of worrying and fatigued by fear?  While subtle, the things that make up our daily lives, good and bad, speak to us about God and little by little shape our image of Him. If we are not careful to renew our minds with the truth of who God is,  our view of  Him will warp.  The temporal and transitory will define what we think of Him rather than His eternal and unchanging Word.

AW Tozer says that “What we think about God is the most important thing about us.”

If we think He is inattentive or uncaring,  how will we trust that He is intimately aware of all our ways?   If we forget that He is Mighty,  how will we ever rest in His arms, especially in times of great trial?  Peace resides in knowing that God always acts with perfect knowledge, victorious power, and faithful love.  Betting on God is all about believing that He is who He says He is!  Another mile passed and I realized that my heart had calmed.  I looked over at Abe with a smile, grateful for his nudge and decided to follow his example.  I took the bet and am trusting that God is and always will be –  faithful.  I pray you will, too!

“Father, I thank you that you are who you say you are, always. I want to honor you by believing that you are faithful, even when I cannot figure out my life. Strengthen and build a believing heart in me. Amen.”

What about you?

What do you need help believing God for today?

What is the basis for your image of God?  Your own understanding?  Circumstances?  The Word of God?

Where have you placed your trust?  By who or what is your heart governed?

Do you, like me, need God to strengthen and build a believing heart in you?

“May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;  May the name of the God of Jacob protect you.  May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion.  May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings.  May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.  May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God.”(Psalm 20:1-5)

Worship