By Judy Villanueva

John 21:15   “Do you love Me?”  

Stuck in the bathroom, I attempted to muster the courage to go back out into the party.  It was a gathering of people with whom I felt  out of place and misunderstood.  Granted, they were just feelings and likely not even true, but it is how I felt.  Overwhelmed, I slipped into this awkward space to pray.  “Lord, I thought I would do better today!   I prepared beforehand.  I prayed, read the Word, determined to love well, and yet, here I am, stuck in the bathroom feeling so defeated.  Help me to be strong!”  What I heard in reply surprised me.   “I am here.  It’s ok.  Return to love in weakness.  I am with you.”  This felt strangely freeing, mostly because the only place I could love from, at that moment, was from weakness.  So, I returned to the party and loved…weak and a bit scrambled up inside, but freed to love!

The only thing that keeps me from loving on any given day is me.

For sure, many things threaten to box me in and block God’s flow of love.  I might be tired, irritable, or anxious.  I might be constrained by the pressure of feeling insecure, less than, or judged.  It might even be that the person in front of me is  just plain unloving!  Each and every time, I have a decision to make to either step back from loving or, to pause and ask for God’s help to move forward.  When I am in these situations,  my first taste of freedom often comes from simply deciding to love, and the next ones from giving myself fully to this decision.  In other words, as I act on believing that God is able to empower me to love beyond my fatigue, insecurity or dread,  grace begins to flow!

Here is the incredible thing about any decision to love.  When we love,  we bless and honor Jesus!  We answer His question, “Do you love Me?” with a resounding “Yes! I love You, Jesus!” whenever we avail ourselves to be filled and poured out for another.

 Can you imagine that it is possible to bless the heart of God when and as we love?

That is quite a notion!    And, thankfully, it counts even when we love imperfectly and in weakness.  We must never forget what it means that the Spirit of God lives within us.  We walk around with  access to an inexhaustible spring of deep and bountiful love!  We may feel boxed in and scrambled up,  but when we find our way out of our awkward spaces and cry out for help, we discover that wide and rich waters of love await us.  Come, drink and love Jesus!

“Lord, I bump into mini-crossroads every day where I am aware of my love-limitations.  I am selfish and in need of Your well that is inexhaustible!  I want You to hear my “Yes, I love you!” as I love others.  I want to bless You!  Fill me and free me to love.  Amen.”

What about you?

Do you feel free to love others?  Are you aware of what closes off your heart?

Have you considered that in loving others, you bless the heart of God?  I

   

 

By Judy Villanueva

As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. (Psalm 42:1)

God, you have made us for yourself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in you. (St.Augustine of Hippo)

Surrounded by of pile of socks, I hunt for two brown ones with stripes, matching grey argyles, and strain to decipher the subtle differences in the solid blues!  I suddenly feel a familiar pang that I recognize as my soul becoming restless.  Existential angst.  Does my existence have meaning?  Does folding socks matter to God or is there something more important that  I should be doing?  It alerts me to beware of what I think, pray and do next.  I’ve been here before and am learning that when my soul feels restless it wants to be fed (or medicated).  Feed it with a cookie, a trip to the mall, a tv show, a glass of wine or with frenetic doing that will offer distraction.  Instead, I decide to pray and bring my soul to Jesus.

My husband and I have been reading a book called “Soul Keeping” by John Ortberg and the last pages invite the reader to the deathbed of a remarkable man, Dallas Willard.  Reading out loud, we find ourselves overhearing the last words he whispered to God, “Thank you. Thank you.”  My brow furrows as I consider the implications of these words uttered in the midst of great suffering.  I feel curious to know more about him and hungry to learn how to live so that when I breathe my final breath, my soul will exhale in gratitude.  Dallas lived a life that cultivated a contented and grateful soul and when pressed hard, what flowed from the depths of him was gratefulness.

There is something about the finality of death that is focusing.   It seems to clear the clutter that gets in the way of living well.  At death, all chances to be kind end.  Any and all opportunities to love are over.  At life’s end, grudges feel ridiculous and time, too precious to waste on petty complaints.

In the clarity of death’s wake, worry about mattering yields to loving and being loved by God.

It invites a vision of generosity, grace and energy to bless others while there is time.  It is a reminder that a life lived well is fed and formed by God, and that last breaths are exhaled from whatever has been shaped over a lifetime.  Learning to love and be loved by God infuses all of life with meaning…it quiets the soul, plants seeds of gratitude and makes, even folding socks,  yet another moment of His grace.

“Father, help me to find meaning in Your arms and let it calm and fuel my soul for blessing others.  Help me to cultivate gratefulness and care for my soul so that in each day of my life I might give you glory, and upon my death, give thanks.  Amen.”

 What about you?

 Do you ever struggle with restlessness of soul?

What do you tend to feed your soul to calm it?  Food, tv,  shopping, or something else?

Have you discovered that meaning comes from being loved by God?  Have you felt the rest that happens in Him alone?

What do you think cultivating contentment and gratitude looks like?

Spend time with God.   It will feed and bless your soul.

Worship