By Judy Villanueva

1 Samuel 1:12-18
Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.” But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time.” Then Eli answered, “Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him.” And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your sight.”

It is a mystery as to why some prayers are answered as we hope and others are not. Most often, there is no way of making sense of it. When a heart’s desire is suspended, a desperate prayer unsatisfied or when the thing braced against happens, we are left to travail with questions about God. Is He good? Does He hear? Can He, and if He can, why doesn’t He? We join Job and a great company of brothers and sisters in the faith who have traveled through a dark night on a well-worn path of suffering with no clear answers. It has always both baffled and amazed me that God allows us to wander along these roads of unknowing. How does He tolerate us second-guessing His wisdom, accusing Him of not caring, or thinking Him impotent to act on our behalf? How does He stand it when we cry out in the dark?

I don’t pretend to have answers, only a few morsels of grace that I have gleaned along the path of my own dark night. If you are in the middle of a season of desolation, know that you are not alone. Many Christians have traveled this road and have shared the pain of not having answers and not feeling God. It is an arduous and lonely passage. You might find, like I did, that it is helpful to have someone listen and care that you feel lost, even if they cannot relocate you. One such friend of mine sat with me and listened to my lost thoughts…so unpleasant and raw. After some quiet, she finally said, “Judy, stop striving. God knows where you are and is able to bring you through this dark night and into a place of dawning. Rest. Be at peace.” She didn’t tell me to stop feeling lost and she didn’t offer any answers to my questions, but her reassurance that God knew where I was and could help me find His heart again, planted a seed of hope and light. It felt relieving and helped me begin to let go of my need to understand everything and make room for God to be God.

Inherent in dark nights are invitations to widening spaces where we grow in our capacity to allow God to be Someone we can count on, but cannot control… Someone who loves us perfectly, but does not explain the unfoldings around us.

Dark nights are humbling as they teach us to want God. What I love about Hannah is that she brought her suffering heart to God. She poured out her soul before the Lord…her troubles, sorrows, and disappointments. She didn’t turn her back on God in her despair, but rather, trusted Him with her pain. She stayed in relationship and, by His grace, held onto His love in the middle of the night. How it must bless God to be sought and trusted in the dark. We, too, must bring our honest tears to God, and trust that He listens and cares deeply, even if we cannot feel His presence or understand our circumstances. Can you rest and be at peace knowing that God is able to bring you through the dark night and promises to remain close until the dawn breaks? God knows where you are and is able to help you find your way back to His heart.

“Father, I pray for anyone reading this who may be experiencing a dark night and cannot feel You with them. Let these words reassure that You are, and will always be as close as the breath they breathe. Bring peace and new life. And, may You, the God of Israel, grant the petition they have made to You. Let them find favor in Your sight. Amen.”

How about you?

Have you experienced a season of feeling lost and disappointed with God?

Can you pour out your heart to God in prayer?

Seek a listening friend. Is there a pastor, priest or friend who is available to listen and pray with you?

Worship

“I Will Not Be Shaken”  by Tommy Walker

“Praise You in the Storm”  by Casting Crowns