Category Archives: Disorientation

Rocks and Trees

DSC_1209By Judy Villanueva

“I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
  From where shall my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”  (Psalm 121)

“…with God, all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

I have a hundred pictures of trees growing out of rocks!  It catches my attention like a burning bush and shouts “Hope” to my soul!  My husband and I have literally planted over a hundred trees in the last ten years.  We’ve watered them, fed them, and have spent hours weeding, pruning, and protecting them.  To my dismay, maybe a third have survived!  The large pine under the eaves, on the other hand,  has been pushed completely over by ice sliding off the roof more than once and now stands taller than the roof.  One of our healthiest aspens was severed in half by another ice slide and grew back with such vigor that it now also rises above the roof offering abundant shade each morning.  I’m no arborist, but the common denominators seem to involve hardship and lots of water!

As for trees that grow out of rocks, I can only surmise that God loves life and can call it to rise up…even from the hardest places!

I stand before trees with rocky birthplaces in silence, awe and incredulity!  I take pictures of them to remind myself that God can do anything!  I come from a family that tends to be rather practical, which is a tremendous asset when it comes to making decisions, processing conflict or buying a car.  But, as it relates to matters of faith, being practical seems to tether me to the possible when what I really want to reach for is the “tree out of the rock” impossible! 

I want to hope beyond reason, pray for miracles, and watch breathlessly for God to interrupt my practical expectations with a divine thunder that initiates an impractical faith!

It helps me to remember, that once upon a time, a Father called forth life from behind a stone that covered a tomb…that held a beloved Son.  Was it a whisper or did He shout, “Arise!”?  The stone was rolled away and beneath the burial cloth, a heart began to beat and the sound of God breathing filled the air!  Listen!

Can you hear the sound of God breathing over your life today?

Rest.  He is.  Truth is that sometimes all we can do is lean back into the hard places, drink in God’s presence, and wait for Him to help life break through.   In the meantime, we can lift our eyes to the mountains, marvel at trees that grow out of rocks, and let them shout “Hope!” to our souls.  We can trust that God loves us.   He can do what we cannot and with Him, all things are possible.

“Lord God, breathe into our weary hopes and help us through our trials.  Grow trees out of rocks and do the impossible according to Your good will!  Help us to trust that You love life…our lives, each one!  Strengthen us and sustain us as we wait for life to break through.  Amen.”

What about you?

 Can you hear the sound of God breathing over your life today?

Do you need God to do something that seems impossible? 

What catches your attention and reminds you that you can trust God?

Do you have a practical faith or one that breathlessly waits for God to do the impossible?

Worship

(Dedicated to Steven, Trina Beaumont and my little brother)

 

 

Are You The One?

DSC_1050By Judy Villanueva

Matthew 11:2-6

When John heard in prison what the Messiah was doing, he sent word by his disciples and said to him, “Are you the one who is to come, or are we to wait for another?” Jesus answered them, “Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have good news brought to them. And blessed is anyone who takes no offense at me.”

John’s was the voice that cried out in the wilderness “Prepare the way of the Lord!”  He is in the guy who wore camel hair shirts and ate locusts with wild honey.  We definitely get the impression that he was sold out for Jesus, and bold in his message to repent and be baptized! Yet, here in this passage, we find him in prison sending his disciples to Jesus to ask a curious question.  “Are You the One, the Messiah or should they wait for another?”  It seems to imply that John might have been off balance and in need of reassurance.  It makes me wonder if he wasn’t scratching his head trying to make sense of the life unfolding around him. Was being in prison part of the plan or did something go wrong?  No doubt, his circumstances were not what he had expected!

John the Baptist might seem like  a hard guy to relate to, but as I witness him straining toward Jesus in need of strength and direction, I feel an immediate connection!  John’s question is my question and was my question this very morning!  I ask it often during times of disappointment or fear, and certainly, whenever I cannot make sense of how the pieces of my life fit together.  You know those times when life is not how we imagined, or when it seems like God is taking forever to answer our prayers?   I’m afraid we might find Jesus’ response to John less than comforting.  He doesn’t say, “Hang in there, cousin!  I’m on my way to break open the prison doors!”  Instead, Jesus tells John that the blind see, the lame walk, the dead are raised and the good news is being preached to the poor.  In other words, “Take heart.  I am He!  I am the One!”

Jesus’ words might feel both reassuring and disconcerting to the hearer because while it announces His reign as Messiah, it does so right alongside John’s plight in prison.  This is always the case!

Jesus is Lord and Messiah, always AND right alongside the life that is ours…the life that we may love, as well as the life that may include the hardest trial we’ve ever faced.

It was John’s challenge, as it is ours, to hear Jesus announce His reign and to trust beyond his own understanding.  I need to hear Jesus say, “I am the One!” when life has caused my heart to falter…and allow the reality of His reign to strengthen and remind me, that despite present conditions or anything I may not understand, His kingdom has arrived!  It’s already here!  That’s what Jesus was telling John!  That’s the good news being preached to the poor and that’s the blessed Truth that sets us free today.  Take heart.  He is the One!  Look no further!

“Lord, help me to hear you announce that You are healing, raising  the dead and reigning over all!  It gives me strength to wait with hope and trust You rather than lean on my own understanding.  Help me to lay down my need to know everything and instead, to bow in faith.  Thank you that you are the One!  Amen”

What about you? 

When do you feel off balance and in need of reassurance?

What does the arrival of God’s kingdom mean to you?

Are you able to rest, knowing that Jesus reigns?

Above and beyond whatever circumstances you find yourself in,  God is good and He reigns!

Worship

 

Dissonant Notes

DSC_0396By Judy Villanueva

“I love You, O Lord, my strength.”
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies.  (Psalm 18:1-3)

I came to faith with great energy to hope in God — to wait with expectation for what God would say and what He would do!  Young and full of faith, I climbed out on the proverbial limb and watched for Jesus but, answers to prayer lingered and unwelcomed outcomes arrived instead.  Disappointment in prayer began to undermine the song I wanted to sing from the branches and before I knew it I was on the ground dusting myself off and kicking aside the cracked branch next to me.

Dissonant notes. They are notes that play on the base clef of our souls.  On the treble clef we hear the melody of faith, joy and peace.  We believe God’s word and trust Him.  But, if we listen closely we may become aware of dissonant notes that are also playing, the ones a little off-key that remind us of disappointments, losses, and our wounded souls.  Did you know that it is possible to feel hurt by God?  Now, that may sound irreverent , but I’ll suggest it’s just honest.  It is what happens along our faith journeys in this fallen world when we don’t understand the unexpected things that happen in life.  We believe that God is faithful but we cannot make sense of pain, sickness, and suffering in this world.

So, what do we do with our dissonant notes?  First, it is helpful to listen and allow them to help us understand the hurts inside of us.

In listening we come to realize how pain may have warped our image of God and interfered with our ability to trust Him.

Rather than ignoring our hurts and disappointments, we can offer them a place to heal.  In God’s Word we find powerful and reorienting Truth that creates melodies of hope within us  and purifies the way we see and know God.  Taking time to rest and be still aids in quieting our souls and fosters a sense of  God’s presence.  Here we learn to accept what cannot know or control and trust that God is faithful and able to watch over our lives.  Finally, in worship we learn to sing alongside our off-key notes with melodies of grace that invite them into the larger songs being written through our lives by God — songs of His faithfulness, redemptive power, and everlasting love!

“Lord, I am so aware of my off-key notes, especially when I am discouraged or disappointed. Thank You that all my notes find their place in the song You are writing through my life. Help me to wait and watch for Your faithfulness. Amen.”

What About You?

Are you aware of the notes that play in your soul?  Contented and off-key?

Have you taken time to listen and understand them?

Can you bring your soul full of notes (joys and sorrows) to Jesus…to rest and be loved?

 

Worship

Windows

DSC_1207By Judy Villanueva

Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding; In all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

I love it when God says “Yes!” What’s not to love? I understand “yes”. “Yes” feels good! “Yes” feels right! Right? There is something about “You got the job!” “Will you marry me?” “You win!” that affirms that we are loved and that Someone good is watching over our lives. “Yes” is like a spring rain or a summer breeze that wraps around us with happy! It usually makes us smile, relieves our hearts, and makes us want to dance! I love it when God says “Yes!”

I’m guessing you know where this is going? There are other times when it can feel like God isn’t listening or doesn’t care because doors close, we don’t win, and someone else gets the job. We pray for God’s will and offer to submit to a “No.” And, we mean it…sort of…or at least until the answer is actually “No.” Then, it’s easy to get lost. Disappointment is tricky and tends to throw everything up for grabs. Is God in control? Why did this or that happen? Did I hear wrong? What can I now expect going forward?

It is at these times that a window opens, a particular moment when God invites us to trust Him with our whole hearts. It is here and now that faith is exercised. Can we accept the “no,” and will we place our hearts in His care?

Acceptance and trust are things we do on our knees and often, on our faces.

Surrender. Breathing in rug-dust, placing our hearts before the King, we ask for mercy, strength to trust and a sense of His love to hold us and help us go forward. He is here. He is good. He waits at the window to be our spring rain, our summer breeze…our supreme and beautiful happy.

“Lord, how I need you to move in close when a “no” has pushed me over. On my face, I come to You and surrender with my whole heart. Help me today not to lean on what I think I know, but to come to You for comfort and strength to trust. Amen.”

What about you?

Have you experienced a disappointing “No” in life?

Do you need God’s help with acceptance and trust?

What would it be like to trust God with all of your heart?

God is faithful. He loves you and watches over your life.

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Longing for Spring

emeraldlake2By Judy Villanueva

“Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away; for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth;
 the time of singing has come…”

Our faces were turned toward the screen and our eyes squinted as we strained to decipher the image hidden within the black and white background. “Yes, there it is!” the doctor announced. Tears and joy filled the room! It had been six years of praying, hoping and disappointment. “Only one?” my friend asked. “What? Well, I only see one but let’s check again.” the doctor complied. “Here’s the one and let’s see…oh my, yes, there is another! You are having twins!” Springtime! Have you ever been with someone when their spring arrived? I was lucky enough to be in the room at the moment when my friend’s winter turned to spring in an instant. Warmth, color, sunshine and the sweet fragrance of life had blown in a new season and, from one moment to the next, it became spring!

As I write this, I am watching a winter storm blowing in and while it looks harmless enough, it is bitter cold outside and it won’t be long before all the land is covered in white. Before spring arrives, we must endure the quiet and cold of winter when life lies dormant and it can feel unending at times. What does it mean to wait with faith and how do we surrender to winter with hope? It blesses me how God made the seasons to reflect the rhythms we experience in life so that we’ll be helped to remember that after a long winter comes a warm and fruit-filled spring!

There is life buried beneath blankets of snow and resting in trees that appear dead, and we must hope while we wait for our springs to form.

I wonder if God doesn’t use winters to slow us down and help us long for Him. The truth is, we want the comforts of spring, but need the love of our Father and it is often during cold winters that we finally relent and reach for Him. God does not leave us without hope during long, cold seasons and, if we pay attention, we will hear the melody of spring even in the thick of winter.  Remaining open to God’s presence through His word,  people, beauty, and love is sustaining and helps us in our waiting.   Reach for God in the winter and listen for His songs that want to fill our hearts with hope and wrap us in His love.  Rest in His arms and trust that He watches over the seeds of life that wait to flourish in the spring.

“Father, help me to want You. I love springtime and I get impatient during long winters. Thank you for quieter and even, emptier seasons that help me to reach for You. Draw me into awareness in the winter of your springtime songs around me and help me to wait while my spring forms. Amen.”

What about you?

Are you in a season of winter, longing for spring?

What are the longings of your heart?

Are you able to reach for God?

Do you know that He is with you and longs to fill the empty places of your heart?

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Wanted!

Disorientation, Knowing God, Spiritual Formation, Worship

IMG_2304By Judy Villanueva

Jeremiah 31:3 I have loved you with an everlasting love; 
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

Isaiah 43:1 Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.

We belong to God! What could be more life-giving than knowing that we are loved with an everlasting Love? Sadly, in this world we do have trouble and when the pressure is on, we can lose hold of this beautiful truth. Disappointments, losses and hopes deferred can cause us to feel unloved and unwanted by God. If that is what you are feeling today or ever, then let it sound an alarm to your soul! It’s not true. Don’t believe it! Lean in and lean hard into the Father’s voice! It may not be easy, but do it because God is speaking, always speaking! “I want you….I always want you. I love you. You are mine.”

We, each one of us, were created to feel wanted and loved. I believe it crushes the heart of God when life in this fallen world causes us to forget, doubt, or worse, stop believing that we are named, redeemed…and His! It makes sense, I suppose, that this is where we are often disturbed and thrown off our feet, spiritually and emotionally. If we doubt that our lives matter…that God keeps track of our smiles and tears, then we may find ourselves tossed about by the wind and whim of circumstance.

Hearing God whisper “I want you” pierces our souls with light!  What else can compare?  It calms our fears, gives us courage, and becomes a place of residing joy within us.  Read what God says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; 
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”  We must hold these words close to our hearts as if we are pressing the truth of them into our very bodies and, should we ever feel shaken and unwanted, we need not fear.  Instead, we must remember that independent of our feelings, God remains faithful! He is with us and we are His!

“Father, how often I am fearful and forgetful that You are ever-faithful! I want You to be my place of residing joy and freedom. Thank you for Your unfailing love…and that You always want me. Help me daily to hear Your voice calling my name and leading me to Your heart. Amen.”

What about you?

Have you ever felt unwanted?

What gets in the way of believing that God wants you/loves you?

What helps you hear God’s voice of love?

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Trusting in the Dark

DSC_0370By Judy Villanueva

1 Samuel 1:12-18
Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.” But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time.” Then Eli answered, “Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him.” And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your sight.”

It is a mystery as to why some prayers are answered as we hope and others are not. Most often, there is no way of making sense of it. When a heart’s desire is suspended, a desperate prayer unsatisfied or when the thing braced against happens, we are left to travail with questions about God. Is He good? Does He hear? Can He, and if He can, why doesn’t He? We join Job and a great company of brothers and sisters in the faith who have traveled through a dark night on a well-worn path of suffering with no clear answers. It has always both baffled and amazed me that God allows us to wander along these roads of unknowing. How does He tolerate us second-guessing His wisdom, accusing Him of not caring, or thinking Him impotent to act on our behalf? How does He stand it when we cry out in the dark?

I don’t pretend to have answers, only a few morsels of grace that I have gleaned along the path of my own dark night. If you are in the middle of a season of desolation, know that you are not alone. Many Christians have traveled this road and have shared the pain of not having answers and not feeling God. It is an arduous and lonely passage. You might find, like I did, that it is helpful to have someone listen and care that you feel lost, even if they cannot relocate you. One such friend of mine sat with me and listened to my lost thoughts…so unpleasant and raw. After some quiet, she finally said, “Judy, stop striving. God knows where you are and is able to bring you through this dark night and into a place of dawning. Rest. Be at peace.” She didn’t tell me to stop feeling lost and she didn’t offer any answers to my questions, but her reassurance that God knew where I was and could help me find His heart again, planted a seed of hope and light. It felt relieving and helped me begin to let go of my need to understand everything and make room for God to be God.

Inherent in dark nights are invitations to widening spaces where we grow in our capacity to allow God to be Someone we can count on, but cannot control… Someone who loves us perfectly, but does not explain the unfoldings around us.

Dark nights are humbling as they teach us to want God. What I love about Hannah is that she brought her suffering heart to God. She poured out her soul before the Lord…her troubles, sorrows, and disappointments. She didn’t turn her back on God in her despair, but rather, trusted Him with her pain. She stayed in relationship and, by His grace, held onto His love in the middle of the night. How it must bless God to be sought and trusted in the dark. We, too, must bring our honest tears to God, and trust that He listens and cares deeply, even if we cannot feel His presence or understand our circumstances. Can you rest and be at peace knowing that God is able to bring you through the dark night and promises to remain close until the dawn breaks? God knows where you are and is able to help you find your way back to His heart.

“Father, I pray for anyone reading this who may be experiencing a dark night and cannot feel You with them. Let these words reassure that You are, and will always be as close as the breath they breathe. Bring peace and new life. And, may You, the God of Israel, grant the petition they have made to You. Let them find favor in Your sight. Amen.”

How about you?

Have you experienced a season of feeling lost and disappointed with God?

Can you pour out your heart to God in prayer?

Seek a listening friend. Is there a pastor, priest or friend who is available to listen and pray with you?

Worship

“I Will Not Be Shaken”  by Tommy Walker

“Praise You in the Storm”  by Casting Crowns

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Trust in the Lord

Disorientation, Knowing God, Spiritual Formation

IMG_1772By Judy Villanueva

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

Do you ever feel like God will be faithful to everyone but you? I had an interesting experience in prayer today. Just as I was feeling the Lord encourage me to trust Him with the things I’ve been praying about, I became aware of another voice…a voice that I recognize is often crouching in the corners waiting to shout doubt and unbelief over me. “No, it won’t happen for you. God won’t be faithful to you. Oh, He will be faithful to your friend and your friend’s friend, but He won’t come through for you and you will be left alone to figure it out.”

Doubt and unbelief are tenacious enemies of faith! They skulk about in the shadows determined to steal freedom and life from God’s children. As I sit here in the early hours of the morning, and look out at the gently colored sky, I could not be more convinced that God is trustworthy! As I read the Bible and peruse my own life story, God’s faithfulness is evident, sweet, and strong. I don’t think there is anything truer in the universe than that God deserves my whole-hearted trust. Nevertheless, the reality is that my faith wrestles with doubt and wars regularly with the part of me that wants to know what I cannot know, control what I cannot control. I stubbornly lean on my own understanding and then wonder why I have no peace.

This proverb refers to a faith that free falls into the arms of God! It invites an unshakable confidence in a God whose heart is pure and whose absolute power ensures His sovereignty here, now and forever. It asks us to let go of our doubts and trust beyond outcomes. It affirms that God will make straight our path and beckons the trust right out of our hearts! And, we can trust because He has control of this world and our lives within it…because God can’t not be faithful. It isn’t dependent on His mood…Faithful is who He is!

“Lord, I want to trust You with my whole heart. Please quiet the voices of doubt that interfere with my freedom to believe that You can do beyond all that I ask or think. Expand my knowledge of You and fill my heart for full and surrendered faith. Amen.”


What about you?

How do you do with trusting God? How would it feel to trust Him with your whole heart?

Does leaning on your own understanding get in your way of faith?

Take time to remember God…acknowledge His love and power to provide and direct your path.

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